Sometimes when I’m in the shower, I can’t help but let my wander to things penile. And I started thinking – Well, gee … this could be a really useful tool.
So what sort of things could you use a hard penis for?

1. An extra finger to tie that bow-tie.
2. A shoe horn.
3. A coffee stirrer.
4. A hanger to hold your freshly pressed shirt or pants.
5. An extra hand to close the car door when your hands are full with groceries.
6. A useful tool in school dances when you can not use a Bible to keep enough room for the Holy Ghost too.
7. A conductor’s stick-thing to conduct an orchestra.
8. A whisk with which to beat eggs (no, not your wife’s eggs, perv).
9. A launchboard for aiming snowballs at your friend (ugh! perv!).
10. A handy appendage for hitting the space bar when you’re typing with one hand.