Michael: tell me a story
Michael: so i can sleep well.
Adam: a story
Michael: /snuggles up to adam.
Michael: a story.
Michael: about a princess
Michael: and some jelly beans
Adam: lol 😉
Adam: once upon a time
Adam: there was an evil ogre
Adam: who owned a jellybean factory
Adam: the jellybeans he made were disgusting
Adam: flavored mostly like earwax
Adam: but some were passion fruit flavored
Adam: because he liked that
Adam: all of the villagers bought his jellybeans because he threatened to eat them if they didn’t
Adam: and they were all very sad
Adam: what with the earwax taste and all
Adam: one day, the princess of the land came to visit from her castle afar
Adam: and she saw the villagers were quite sad
Adam: one little boy sat crying
Adam: and she said
Adam: “little boy, why is everyone so sad?”
Adam: and he said nothing, but held out a hand of yellowish-gold colored jelly beans
Adam: the princess smiled and said, “Thank you” as she took one and ate it
Adam: and the boy was very respectful
Adam: even as the princess vomited on his shoes
Adam: “what vile candy is this?!” screamed the princess
Adam: the boy wiped some of the vomit from his face and said, “They’re from the ogre”
Adam: and pointed down to the valley where the ogre lived
Adam: the princess huffed and said, “Well, this simply won’t do” and mounted her white horse and headed for the ogre’s house
Adam: meanwhile, in a galaxy far far away, han solo was encased in carbonite
Michael: wait wait
Adam: the princess arrived at the ogre’s castle
Michael: that wasn’t part of the story.
Michael: you made that up
Adam: yes it was!
Michael: ok . . .
Michael: go on.
Adam: the princess discovered the castle
Michael: the jellybean castle?
Adam: but the doors were locked and no one would answer when she shouted and knocked at the door
Adam: but then she saw smokestacks behind a grove of trees
Adam: puffing away
Adam: and the awful smell that came with them told her she was near the source of the disgusting cand
Adam: she carefully made her way through the trees and discovered a factory
Adam: protected by ogre magick
Adam: which, as everyone knows, is the worst magick of all
Adam: every time the princess would attempt to open the door
Adam: the ogre magick would force her to flatulate
Adam: the princess would not have this
Adam: but she couldn’t find a way in
Adam: she mounted her horse
Adam: and tried to ram through the door
Adam: but equine flatulence was worse than her own, and she promptly passed out
Adam: when she finally came to, she returned to the village
Adam: when she found the little boy
Adam: she said, “I’m sorry, this shit is too much,” and her entourage abandoned the villagers and returned to her glorious castle where they only ate jelly belly jellybeans, and not the ogreish type
Adam: the end.
Michael: tell me a story