Today has been a weird day. I woke up from that dream of Logan, which was nothing. But … perhaps it’s the full moon — or the change in seasons — but I’ve just felt weird all day. Not very focused.
I got to work — remembered to clock in, thank God — and started chatting with Gavin, my new friend from Scotland. Very nice guy. We seem to have a lot in common. He might be moving to Houston soon. I couldn’t imagine wanting to leave Scotland. It’s so beautiful over there. (Of course, don’t we say that about most places that aren’t “home?”)
And then … I got a phone call from Charley — my best-friend from college. It feels like it’s been forever since I talked to him. I haven’t seen him in almost 7 years, and we played catch up for an hour. His dad passed away last month of bladder cancer. … That makes me really sad. And I know Charley has had a rather difficult time in dealing with the loss. (/hug)
He also told me he’s engaged. November 27th is the date. We talked about marraige — how he wants kids, but not until he adjusts to married life, and feels he can support (financially) the family. He’ll be such an awesome father. We talked about how I (being gay) won’t be getting married — or having kids. He said that if he had one wish it would be that I wasn’t gay — so I could experience the joy of having a wife and children — a family, if you will.
Of course, that sparks debate. I can still be happy — and I don’t think that having a family is the *ULTIMATE* joy in life. I think it is a very different route that life can take. I mean, a father has a very different life (responsibility-wise) than a single gay man does. Simple fact of life. I would like to have a family — wife and kids. But I’m afraid I don’t work that way. It’s not who I am. And it’s a part of life I have to adjust to, that is surprisingly somewhat … difficult.
I also think that there is typically a sense of maturity that sets in when a man gets married. It’s not so much “settling down” as it is you have responsibility and a family to provide for. You’re no longer an “I” — you’re now a “we.”
I’m glad Charley is getting married. I know how much it means to him, and there is nothing more in this world I want than his happiness. He’s a very important person to me and has been very influential in my life. I love him dearly, even though he doesn’t completely agree with my lifestyle. He loves me and supports me, and that’s what counts.
He is going to try to make it down here for a weekend in November, I think, so we can work on some projects he wants to finish (a cd and a website). It will be so nice to see him again …