I just had to post this — it’s too funny not to. It’s so bad.

sweet17: Hi
Bloodninja: hello
Bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
Bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
Bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
Bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
Bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
Bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
Bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
Bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
Bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
Bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
Bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
Bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
Bloodninja: Hurry up.
Bloodninja: Are you there?
Bloodninja: Fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
Bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
Bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU ASSHOLE!
Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
Bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
Bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
Bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
Bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
Bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
Bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a FUCKING ASSHOLE!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
Bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
Bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
Bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
Bloodninja: Wait a sec
Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
Bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
Bloodninja: You heard me.
Bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
Bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
Bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
Bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
Bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
Bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
Bloodninja: ok?
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
Bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
Bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
Bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
Bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suckharder
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
Bloodninja: …still limp
Bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
Bloodninja: …going limp again.
Bloodninja: Hello?
Bloodninja: Say it!
Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!