Driving to the office in the morning is such a chore for me. It takes between 45 minutes and hour (depending on the government dictated stupidity level for the day). During that trek I see a lot of people talking on their phones, putting on makeup, brushing their hair, picking their nose, and even plucking eyebrows. I don’t take the time to primp in the car because I know that once I leave my house, there isn’t a strong liklihood that what I have attempted to do to make myself look presentable can get any better, particularly sitting behind in a steering wheel with a 2 inch mirror. (It’s no wonder there are so many ugly people in corporate America.) Anyway, I usually take the time in the car to listen to music or NPR. It gives me a chance to really preview new music and make a good qualified judgement on its merits.

This morning: Gwen Stefani’s new album: The Sweet Escape.

I read an article a few days ago about how she used snippets from The Sound of Music’s “The Lonely Goatherd” in one of her songs, and I have to admit that curiosity got the best of me. So I pop in the cd and almost instantly my jaw dropped in utter disbelief. That was the most cracked out attempt at music I’d ever heard. Trying to milk the success from “If I Were A Rich Girl” which used the theme from The Fiddler On The Roof, she decided to go with something equally as well-known. Except that she — or someone else — yodels.

Now stop for a minute and picture all our highly responsible and well-behaved youth of America who pop this cd in, think it’s fabulous just because it’s Gwen Stefani, and then start to yodel in their car with cd. Of course they wouldn’t be caught doing it in public — but my, oh my — if I were a fly on the wall…

The rest of the cd is boring as hell and it sounds like someone got way to excited about their drum samples. The point is — if you take away the drum samples and the gimicks borrowed from other music, you have … well … something FROM a goatherd. And a whole lot of it. And even the songs that were at least a little fun — I found myself AFTER the song was over singing “my hump, my hump my hump my hump …” So tell me what that means.

I most certainly wouldn’t recommend wasting your money on this drek and drivel. If you want to hear some yodeling, and see some goats, go to Austria or watch The Sound of Music. (Or shit — listen to Jewel, doesn’t she yodel?)