I was thinking today about what’s going to happen when I die. It’s not something we really think about a lot. It reminds me a bit of when I was unemployed for so long and had an interview to be a salesman for a funeral home. It was cold-calling about buying coffins and shit. Who does that? Well, not me. I turned it down. I’d rather be unemployed than selling death.

But I digress … we never really stop and think about, much less tell our loved ones about the sort of stuff we want when we die. Of course, in the end, you’re dead – and you won’t give a flying rat’s ass either way. But still — I thought I’d take the opportunity to put in writing what I want to happen.

I don’t have a will — primarily cuz I ain’t got shit to put in the will. So, I hereby bequeath all my debt to the US government. After all, they have so much, I’m sure mine won’t even be noticed. I leave all my cooking stuff to my momma, my video games to my lil’ bro, Nathan, my computer stuff to David (and don’t look for pr0n on there, yo – there isn’t any — i’m not that kind of girl). I leave all my ikea furniture to whoever wants it, if it hasn’t fallen apart by then. Give my clothes to the poor, but throw away the ones with gross armpits, cuz that’s just nasty. You can all fight over my cds, tho it’s likely that none of you will want them — so donate them to local skating rink so generation upon generation can skate to Erasure as they should. You can give my car to Nathan as well, cuz presumably he’ll be old enough to drive by the time I kick it (knock on wood). I leave my kidney stone collection to the highest bidder on eBay, and the proceeds can go to pay off my medical bills to hospitals x, y, and z. Oh, my DVDs can go to whoever wants them. It consists largely of theater-related stuff, so if you like musicals, they’re yours.

Ok — so I don’t want to be buried. I think it’s gross. I want to cremated, but i don’t want to sit in an urn or anything. I can’t think of place to be sprinkled – so just sprinkle wherever you think is best. I like mountains, maybe Yellowstone?

No big funeral or anything like that. Some lovely music would be nice — perhaps Faure’s Pavane, Caccini’s Ave Maria (the Sumi Jo version). Some piano stuff — perhaps stuff by Yann Tiersann.

And I think that just about does it. I have all my life insurance stuff squared away — so there’s no issues there.

Morbid topic, i know. But, at least it’s writen down.