My friends Michael-gurl and Patrick came over this evening and we watched Desperate Housewives and two episodes of Dead Like Me. I refuse to get hooked on Desperate Housewives … I don’t watch tv hardly at all, and I’m scurd that if I start now, my soul will be wisped away into the ether, and I will sit there with even less motivation to do shit than I currently have.
That being said … I LOVE Dead Like Me. Every time I watch it, I just have to take time and reflect about things. About how I don’t take advantage of life — grab it by the balls and make it my bitch. (Tho, I’m not certain I know how to do that.) About how some people are very valuable in my life — and how I do little things to bring them with me. I have little momentums. Like – forever example – when I was in junior college in Idaho, I kept a journal. I have 3 journals filled with the details of my junior college years. And stashed in those journals are drawings made by friends, little notes, and other small memories that I associate with that time. And I’ll always have them.
I just threw away a letter today written to me by an ex. The letter used to hold some sentiment … but my friendship with him has decayed into unfortunate nothingness. And the letter no longer means anything to me. I did, however, keep some of the other momentos that were left with the letter. But that’s beside the point … I think after a while, momentos take on a nature of their own, apart from the meaning they once held. They become a memento just because they’re a momento. And they get brought with you wherever you go, year after year, place after place, relationship after relationship.
Why do we keep them? Is it longing? Wanting to keep a piece of that moment or person alive, even tho they arne’t here anymore? Or maybe it’s fear of losing the investment we made in them? It makes me think of my grandmother. She died was I was 21 of pneumonia brought on by her chemo treatments for lymphatic cancer. She was never without her camera. And the woman had photo albums galore. (I wonder what ever came of those …) But why pictures? And is it any different to have a paper picture than a digital picture? Seems like digital pictures can so easily be forgotton … I think I’d prefer to have a scrapbook or photo album. But then again, I always was a sentimental bitch.
And wow, look at me ramble. This post had nothign to do with anything. Just me having brain leakage. Meh. Anyway time for bed.