I’m sitting at my desk, being a good worker bee (for once) when Alex and my coworker Laura (aka Laura Extremties) walks into my cube and say “we have something for you.”
And lo and behold, I am presented with a certificate (seen below). It says

This certificate is awarded to Michael Hobley in recognition of your weight loss and all of your wonderful achievements that are still yet to come! — Friends of M. Hobley Foundation


I, of course, now have this hanging in my cube with a Moulin Rouge magnet, and two word-magnets that say “Wacko Woman.”
Fitting.