Here’s the shortest summary in the world of where I am in my life.  I have a 4 year old son in bed right now.  I just put him to bed after reading “The Three Billy Goat’s Gruff,” per his request.  The stinky troll in the book scared the shit out of him (not literally, thank God).  But he literally grabbed my arm while I was reading the troll part, and he would not leave my side when the story was over to walk over to his bed.

I find it amazing to think at one point I too was scared shitless of trolls, boogens, Freddy Kruger and every other thing that goes bump in the night.  (I used to “see” shadows moving in the hallway of little men with daggers and hooks that were walking towards my room.  Silent shrieks of terror – that’s how real they were to me.  And that’s pretty much how real this stinky troll is to him.)

It’s so funny how irrational it is – but his imagination is so active and wild, he believes anything and everything.  Thankfully, that includes the magic bubble that surrounds our house to keep us all safe.

He has also been on this major “God” kick.  Asking all kinds of crazy questions about God — where does He live? Who made God?  Did God make the children?  Does God make toys?  And so we’ve been praying with him at night to get him use to expressing thankfulness and asking for the things he needs.

But then it went on to his “Birth Mother.”  Since he is adopted, he is aware that he has a mom – tho he doesn’t remember her or anything about her.  All he knows is that she was sick and couldn’t take care of him.  We keep it as vague as that, but eventually that will not suffice.  There’s always a twinge of pain, a flinch of the eye whenever he brings her up.  Thinking back on that difficult foster and adoption process — what an emotionally draining period.  And while I know this is HIS story, it saddens me to know that she will continue to be a part of it until he comes to terms with who she is and what happened.

And sadly, that’s not something I can give him.  Only something I guide him through and be there with him as time reveals more truths.