I can’t believe it’s 2005. I can’t believe a year flew by so quick … so how bout a quick jaunt down memory lane.

This time last year I was with Logan — things were good, we were happy (I think). I was still unemployed. And Logan was that silver lining to a very stark outlook I had on life at the time.

February came and I was hired at UTMB doing web design work and graphic stuff for several grants. The job was a bit of a drive and the pay was a considerable cut from my previous job — but it was a job. I met some very nice people while working there — particularly Alex. I’m definitely a believer in the whole “things happen for a reason” idea — and I think one of the big reasons I was hired at UTMB was to meet Alex. She’s helped keep me sane — she’s heard about all the ups and downs (and downs and downs) of the Logan saga and every other issue.

Shortly after I was hired at UTMB, Logan and I broke up and things became very very messy very very quickly. And from that part on, the year has been a muddy puddle of pejorative phrases.

Shortly after our break up, I worked with my best friend David and a former coworker, Kevin, to organize Option9 Studios — one of the things that kept me going this year. We had a lot of work and we had a lot of growing pains as we learned what it meant to 1.) be a professional entity, 2.) run a business, and 3.) work together and still be friends. 3. was never an issue for me because I love them both enough that I’d sooner drop the company than ruin things in our friendship. But I digress — the company has done very well thus far and I definitely look forward to what the future brings.

However, also shortly after the breakup, I became pretty depressed — was really having a hard hard time coping with things. David took me out to dinner and we saw Latter Days and had dinner — went back to his loft and he got me buzzed on wine as I bawled my eyes out. Sadly, seems like David saw me cry a whole lot this year. But the whole depression thing began to really manifest itself in my work — I had no motivation to do anything, slept a lot, etc. To make a long story short, I volunteered for a study on bipolar depression (type 2) and tested a drug called Lamictal. I was on placebo, so the 8 weeks sucked. But I am now on the real thing and things are much better and more stable. (Mind you, I really am bipolar, it’s not just a fad anti-depressant.)

So, medicated, side company, full-time job — and I continued my education at University of Phoenix — learning programming stuff like Java and C, working with databases, etc. Was informative and educational — and showed me upfront that I am NOT a programmer. I still have another 9 classes to go before I get my degree.
May came about with a trip to the emergency room because I was pissing blood. A lot of blood. It cleared up after about 6 days, but that was just a sign of what was to come. Several trips to the emergency room in July, and ultimately, surgery to remove a 1/2 inch kidney stone from my left ureter. Since that procedure I’ve passed 3 more stones. David stayed with me during the surgery — took me to the emergency room the night of the surgery because of a blood clot that was made me throw up from so much pain — another time David got to see me cry.

After that, things have floated by smoothly with minimal bumps in the road.
December was eventful. I turned 28 and went to Las Vegas for my birthday. I met the wonderful Adam Hooker and spent four fantastic days there with him, David, and Matthew. My actually birthday was dinner, drinking, car tow and parking ticket — and lots of vomit. I’d be leaving a few days after for Cozumel, Mexico with my Father, Step-Mother, and Half-brother. New Years was with Kelly and Dwayne and an assortment of people at Kelly’s house in BFE — great times.

Of course, this year also watched my personal life evolve. I closed a lot of relationships/friendships — Logan, Audrey, Clay, Michael W., Kade, etc. Some were for the best – others I miss and things happened because it was inevitable for one reason or another. I made other friends however — Brad, Alex, the Continetal Queens, etc. who helped me move on through distractions and intelligent projects/conversation/drinking. I sorta put distance between myself and a lot of people towards the end of the year … probably something that wasn’t smart. Priorities are things that I don’t work too well with, or don’t organize so well. I’m working on that tho, guys, I promise.

2005 is going to be a year to get things done — but get things done in a relaxed manner, and not overly stressful/analytical like my last year was. I don’t live life enough and enjoy what it throws at me. I overanalyze and take the beauty/art out of everything. Some things aren’t meant to be disected, and I’m learning that. I’m going to strenghten the close friends I have — Rachel, David, Kevin, Brad, Alex, Michael-gurl, Patrick, Adam — and either grow and cut off the others. I need to be healthy. I have not made the best decisions in 2004, and I am not proud of some of the things I’ve done (that I would never dream of writing here). The tears that fell in 2004 are not to matched again in 2005 — partly becuase I have a supply of Demoral now and know how and when to take it. I’ve learned that I am content being alone and do not need another person in that aspect of my life to make me happy/complete. I’ve always known this — but knowing and feeling are rather different, and sometimes being alone sucks. But it’s part of life, and it’s time for me to be me and do the things I need to do.

I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year, and I hope and pray that my contributions to the world in 2005 will help make someone’s life a little easier, happier, and more worth living. I hope that people will feel love, learn to follow their hearts, and realize that we all live together in the same place, no matter how many miles apart, that we all have families, moms, dads, brothers, sisters — and that their reasons for causing pain are selfish and pitiful in the big picture.

I hope that everyone’s life is better in 2005. Bless you everyone, and happy new year!