Yah, so … I’m getting old. You know how when you buy a car and you have your little warranty – 36,000 miles or some bullshit — and as soon as you hit 36,001 your engine falls out.

That’s kind’a what I feel like at 40.  Lower back hurts more often than not.  Weird things pop when I move.  My eye doctor told me we need to start talking about bifocals or progressive lenses (wtf ).

Now don’t get my wrong.  My engine hasn’t fallen out (warning, very NSFW or for the weak-stomached). But you know, it’s the little things.

Like, I’ve started snoring.  And not like … cute little pooty snores like our dog Shine or Bert on Sesame Street..  Daniel said he was dreaming about a dragon and woke up and it was me snoring. (Rude.)  (And I blame sinus problems and am going to see the ENT tomorrow, thank you very much.)

So I went to the doctor for the usual prods and pokes, lab work, pee in the cup kind of stuff.  Got my lab results back and everything is ok … for the most part.

Except for the parts that aren’t.

For some reason, my ALT (SGPT) and other ALT (SGOT) are both higher than normal, particularly the SGPT.  Granted, I was taking some Claritin-D for an extended period of time (per a previous doctor’s suggestion to help with the snoring).  And from what I’ve read, loratadine and pseudoephedrine could have an impact on that test.  And — OMFG – is it permanent!?

All the rest of my hepatic tests look fine.  Just those two.

I also apparently have too many red blood cells.  So if anyone needs any, let me know.  I’ll give you a good deal.

Does it make me nervous?  Hellz yes.  Again – googling any kind of medical condition immediately indicates you have the worst possible cancer imaginable; that your asshole has dried up and is about to fall off; or that your retina is detaching and and taking your optic nerve with it to ultimately reside half way down your cheek.

But, seriously, in my case – I think about the damage done to my kidneys from 7-8 years worth of kidney stones and the various medications (particularly Toradol) that I took.  And does that impact my liver or cause these weird elevated numbers?

I think I’m about ready to look into that extended warranty for this body.  Ready for our robot overlords to evaluate me for an upgrade.