MonthMarch 2006

Steamboat Willies

Thought I’d give a little update on the shit-ola in my life. Firstly — can I just say that the veins in my hands are standing out like a nasty ass mountain range. It’s actually a comfortable temperature in my place for once, and my hands must think they’re in heaven. Blood is flowing, veins are throbbing … wow, sounds sadly porn-like. Actually, looking at my hands with only the glow of the LCD monitor … I look fuckin’ old. I wonder if they can do botox for the hands. Do you think that would make you like … hand-dumb? Can’t move your fingers? Or would it cut off circulation? Maybe we should volunteer Dolly Parton for a test.

I had more dental work done today … ANOTHER two crowns on the top. I’ve had almost my entire top set of teeth redone in the past two months. Major difference. That’s 12 crowns in total. Peter told me in an email today, “why is that every time we talk, you’re crowning?” But I have to say — my teeth and gums look 1,000,000 times better than they did before.

The miracles of modern dentistry. Impressive wouldn’t you say?

Let’s see … in other news … You’ll all be pleased as punch to know that I’ve not pissed any more rocks. Hooray for good days. Everything in my life is now in a soft focus, similar to those douche commercials of the mother and daughter walking on the beach. Well, i guess we assume they’re mother and daughter … could be two lesbians who’ve taken a liking to after-dinner douching. So, life is good. Of course, that could also be because I double my Lexapro dosage. Either way … at least I know I can get good quality douches from the Dollar Store.

In my spare time (read: immediately after work till I go to bed) I’ve been playing Kingdom Hearts 2, a delightful little game on the PS2. Thus far, I’ve not been all that impressed by it. The first one was better. Well … that was until the little shock I got tonite. For those who don’t know, I’m a boy named Sora, and fight through all these Disney Movie Worlds (ie, Mulan, Hercules, Alladin, Little Mermaid, etc.) and kill bad guys with Donald Duck and Goofy. Well, tonite I got sucked into the Steamboat Willie world. It was AMAZING. Everything was black and white, the sound was sorta muted and static-y like the old cartoons — and all the characters reverted back to their old design. Here’s a screenshot of what it looked like.

I hope the rest of the gave is as surprising as that was. So far, the only “summon” they gave me was Chicken Little — what a fuckin’ disappointment that is. PARTICULARLY after my coworker Tina told me I LOOKED LIKE HIM. What a bitch. I don’t look like Chicken Little at all — see the pics above if you don’t believe me.

Anyway – it’s not 11:15 — I’m tired as hell, and I need to go to bed. Just thought I’d check in so my stalkers can catch up on what’s going on in my life that they didn’t discover when perusing my garbage and used douche bottles.

Papa was a Rollin’ Stone

Today was a day to go down in the books for me. Everyone who reads this site regularly knows that i have a small problem with kidney stones. I’ve passed 25 in the past 4 years and have had surgery twice. I’m not going to get into why I have them, etc., because I don’t really know — but I’m working with a very good urologist to find out.

Anyway — I was having some pain in early March, and I thought I should go see the dick doc to see what was going on. He told me to go have an x-ray — and lo and behold, I had a stone. *surprise*.

Well — it was. Because it was an 8mm stone.

The doctors have always told me that passing a 7mm stone was a 50/50 chance. So i was like *fuck* cuz surgery is expensive.

So my doc wanted to do lithotripsy on it, but i was like “lemme try to pass it, and if it gets still I’ll call you.” So he gave me lots of pain meds and sent me on my way.

Well … I passed that bitch today. And it was one of the least troublesome stones I’ve ever had – albeit the largest. So, for your benefit — I took pictures. I actually passed two … the big one — and then about an hour later, the smaller.

Aren’t you glad YOU don’t piss rocks?

Thick, Red Meat

I was reading somewhere a few days ago about a little battle going on with the FDA involving the packaging of meat. The topic at hand is the treatment of fresh meat with carbon monoxide to keep the meat looking the usual blood-red color that we so often associate to ground beef and the like. The argument is that if the meat is constantly blood- or dark-red, people won’t know the meat is bad.

This is a bit of a misnomer. With that being said, I do not want to eat meat that has been sprayed down with carbon monoxide.

So let Mr. Michael explain what happens exactly to meat. The meat you see in the store is typically a nice red color, but sometimes it looks … eh … a little less than fresh. So how do you know exactly how fresh the meat is? Color is one indication, but so is packaging and the amount of light the meat is exposed to.

Meat (muscle tissue) has myoglobin attached to it, which provides meat the usual color. The age of the animal, the amount of exercise the animal gets, or even the sex of the animal can determine that amount of myoglobin in the muscle tissue. The more myoglobin, the darker the color. Myoglobin is typically a dark red – purple in color.

Once myoglobin is exposed to oxygen, it becomes oxymyglobin and the color changes to an almost cherry red. That is the typical color you see in the grocery stores because the meat has already been exposed to oxygen. That is also why sometimes you cut open a piece of raw meat and it’s grayish-brown inside — because it’s not been exposed to a significant amount of oxygen. This obviously does not mean the meat is bad. Additionally — if meat is vacuum packed, it has minimal oxygen exposure, therefore resulting in gray-brown meat. However — when you’re in the grocery store, and you see regularly packaged (wrapped meat) that is browning … it’s probably a bit old. Oxygen still gets through that wrapping, and you get an over-exposure of oxygen, resulting in metmyoglobin which is a brownish-red color.
So there you go — the mystery of meat color, solved and explained so you can make smart choices when you eat your cows and pigs.

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