MonthJune 2005

fire! fire!

I’ve been at my apartment complex now for over 3 years — overall, it hasn’t been that bad. Neighbors have come and gone — in fact, none of my neighbors are the original neighbors I had when I moved in. However, as of late, the quality of people has lessened significantly. This is no surprise to me considering the management company has run this complex into the ground. When I spoke to the management about 4 months ago about possibly breaking my lease, they old me their was no way I could get out of it without having to pay full market value for the remainder amount of months I had in my lease (which came out to like almost $6000.) She also informed me that the complex was currently more than 50% vacant, that there has been an increase in drug trafficking (as I witnessed with my old neighbor), graffiti had increased, and damaged property has also increased. — I honestly think she was trying to get me to break my lease, simply because they could have gotten more money out of me. The lady was a total bitch.
I stuck it out, tho I can’t wait to get out of here. I walked out ot my car three days ago, and there was a BAG OF TRASH just sitting there in the parking lot against the curb. A bag of trash, people. That’s classy. The fuckin’ dumpster is only 20 yards away. Good lord. And what’s worse … it sat there until yesterday morning when the lawn people came out. Granted, I could have taken it myself — but LIKE HELL if I am going to touch someone elses’ trash.
Anyway — it seems that almost every nite now, there is some commotion outside. Two nights ago, a bunch of teenagers were having it out with a cop down by the pool. And last nite, there were all these sirens outside my apartment at like 9 or 10pm. I was like WTF!? So i look out the window, and the apartment building on the other side of the parking lot is on fire. And not just little fire — but like high-flamin’ tiki torch fire. So I watched as progressively more and more fire trucks (9 in total) show up to battle the fire. Cops, ambulances, firemen (some who were WAY hot) were runnin around everywhere. The smoke was super thick, and it was seriously amazing to see this fire. Eventually a helecopter came to assist with the fire.
Now, I wonder what caused the fire. It hasn’t been on the news … but the building is just gutted. I’m guess that was probably 4-6 apartments. Gutted as in, I can see through it. I took some pictures with my phone, but there were so many glaring lights, that it’s just a big mess of glare. So you can’t really see it — but I’ll post them anyway.
I really can’t wait to get out of here this place. What a mess.

o fortuna

I was sitting in our brand marketing meeting today, and they gave our sample foods — one of which was a god-awful fortune cookie. Was akin to sucking on a rock. The fortunes were lame — and all seemed to be ripped. Go figure.
Here are some fortunes I would like to see in a fortune cookie sometime.
“Yes, that dress really does make you look fat.”
“Yah, well fuck you.”
“You will not win the lottery, invest in your child’s college education.”
“Your wife slept with our cook, Jose.”
“R.I.P. Miss Coco”
“Maybe next time you should go for the salad.”

simple words

What a nite. I should be in bed. Most deifnitely. But i was sitting here thinking — there are some very simple words that convey the weirdest images/ideas/thoughts/feelings for me. Like — the word “sad”. Such a small word. Only 3 letters — very basic, primal. “I’m sad” conjures a specific impression. “I’m sad.” Of course, for me — that’s always Jerry Blank (Strangers With Candy) saying it when her father was ripped apart by rabid dogs.
Simple words. Little lines and dots. Letters with attached meaning. And it’s funny, cuz there are words like “I love you” that carry a gazillion different interpretations (familiar, platonic, romantic, etc.) And yet, we still use it because we can’t come up with another way to say it.
And what simple words would I choose to describe myself tonite? Hmmm.
Sad. Disappointed (hmm, that’s not such a simple word, particularly if you’ve been drinking — which I haven’t). Relieved. Sunk. Blind. Frustrated. (Ok, so most of these words are not simple three letter words.)
I do need to say — that even tho this particular relationship is over (like my segue?), it wasn’t a bad relationship at all Ask everyone that knows me. I was very happy. Distance was difficult. Lots of things were difficult, but particularly distance. Of course, I’m not happy that things ended. They ended on a good note, which is always a good thing — but … /shrug. Prolly for the best. As if I didn’t have enough stuff in my head anyway. Not that I’m EVEN going to elaborate on that one.
So, if you would like to send a fruit basket, check, and/or your credit card — just let me know, and I’ll be sure to give you my address or paypal account info.

cabin fever

You remember that lovely horror flick Cabin Fever? It was pretty gross (my hat’s off to the director for that — except for that fingering scene which seriously made me throw up in my mouth. And not just a little.)
Anyway — I was out walking around Houston today to go look at a some lofts. I thought I’d walk, it wasn’t that far. Turned about to be a good 15 blocks — at noonish — in June. What the fuck was i thinking? Anyway, so I’ve been all itchy all day since trapsing around Downtown — and my neck is sorta irritated. I’m kind’a scruffy (didn’t shave this morning) — and it makes me think my skin is like the girl shaving her legs. It’s like sensitive to touch, and I keep thinking if i scracth it, my skin is going to like peel off in layers. (Wow, that was a REALLY sick scene.)
I really just want to go home and take a shower. Actually, I’d like a good massage. Make some margaritas, and (amazingly) sit by the pool. Of course, that would last all of like … 15 minutes till i was a burnt up little crisp or bored out of my mind. So tempramental like that.

the origin of error

You gotta wonder what Eve’s initial thought was after eating that Forbidden Fruit in the Garden of Eden. The bitch wasn’t stupid. She knew what she did. This whole free agency thing kind’a sucks. It seems like making right decisions these days is sorta like playing Roulette. The more you gamble, the bigger the chance of winning big. Or you can play it safe and choose red/black. 50/50 shot at making the right choice. It seems, as of late, that I’ve been quite indecisive lately, not being able to weigh my choices acurately and fumbling blindly, praying that i make the right choice.
Of course, we never hear about the “right” choices that Eve made. Only the damning fruit incident. I bet she thought “aww shit.” God knows I’ve thought that plenty.
But you know — it’s the moral choices that are so hard. It’s not “should i pay this bill this month” — that’s just ignant. But choosing things that may/may not hurt someone. Choosing things that may/may not have a significant impact on someone. Or even worse — choosing something that may/may not have a significant impact on ME emotionally (and/or physically, I suppose).
Bleh. Choices suck. Unless it’s you picking a new car that someone else is paying for. Those choices are good. Hmm, but that ever-eluding Forbidden Fruit. Good choice or no? Maybe Even knew what she was doing. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe the bitch was just hungry, had become faint from hunger pains, and mistook that Forbidden Fruit for a nice kiwi or something. And look what happen. She had painful babies and cursed mankind with all sorts of shit.
What a mistake, right?

calm the fuck down.

I stayed up for a while last nite talking with my good friend Adam about an assortment of things ranging from music and fun stories to more intense things like expectations (and otherwise). Why I do certain things, why I don’t do certain things. Things I have problems doing, things I do too much.
Adam and I are a great pair. He is extremely logical and everything (for the most part) is very concrete/black and white. So it’s easy for him to give impartial advice because of how he sees things. I, on the hand have to wade through all emotional turmoil to evaluate a situation and make a decision based on how it affects me, how it affects others, and weighing which loss/gain is more and if that loss/gain is worth the effort and risks involved. (See, even that sentence was more complicated than it probably needed to be.)
Obviously, it’s easy for me to get caught up in a whirlwind of emotional/moral circles. So Adam gave me some advice last nite:
“Calm the fuck down.”
Something to remember when I start to panic. It helps me to stop, step back, and re-evaluate the situation based on logic and aside from the tantrum of mixed feelings. Of course, that doesn’t always work. And even then, I’m not sure I’m capable of actually pursing a cold, dry-cut approach to working with expectations.
Regardless, his advice was way helpful — enough for me to blog it. Calm the fuck down, Michael. See — it has a nice ring to it. 😉

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