MonthMarch 2005


I’m reading about the Terri Shiavo case (as I do every day now) to follow what is going on. There is one comment here that I think illustrates my feelings on religion as well …

“It saddens me that we have to run to court and get court orders to protect Terri Schiavo from the abuse of the state of Florida,” Felos said Thursday. “The conduct of the executive branch of the state of Florida has been reprehensible.”

Ya know … more than 20 state and federal courts sided with Michael Shiavo. And this person makes this comment saying how the executive branch of Florida is in the wrong … it just goes to show how quickly people will condemn someone for not following their belief structure.
“Oh, you say it’s her right to die? — Well I think you have no place being in a legislative position.” or “Oh, thank you Gov. Bush for helping us save our brain-dead corpse of a daughter. We’re glad you’re in such a position. You can count on our vote next election!”
I wish people will learn to except that their opinions and views are not the Will of God. I understand that these people love their daughter very much, and I’m very sorry that they have to go through this battle, not to mention the experience of losing their daughter. But … what are they clinging on to? And why? And not to make this sound cold-hearted — but what has all this have to cost? I mean the court expenses … the medical costs … the examinations by untold numbers of doctors … I understand that you can’t put a price on a human life … but really. Why?

losing my religion

As most people who know me know, I was raised in a fairly religious environment — Mormon in particular. I am no longer an active participant in the Mormon church, although I find I still believe a lot of the detailed dogma they teach. (It is hard to diffuse a lot of the fundamental teachings that you learn as a young child …). The thing I liked about the Mormon church is that they had answers to a lot of questions I had — and the answers they had seemed logical to me. Of course, that logic was built on a foundation of other Mormon beliefs.
With that being said, I don’t fancy myself a particularly religious person. I pray on occasion (in Portuguese), but I will go into my thoughts on prayer in a little while … I took this “quiz” to determine which religion best describes you. The results were interesting, and I’m sure would cause my father to shit enough bricks that he could build me a compound …

Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don’t actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
Satanism 75%
Islam 71%
Judaism 54%
agnosticism 54%
Buddhism 46%
Paganism 46%
Christianity 46%
atheism 46%
Hinduism 13%

Never saw that one coming — and before someone says anything — No — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not affiliated with Satanism or the worship of Satan in any way.
I see religion in two ways: One — a desparate attempt for people to find understanding in a world of chaos and contradicting information; and Two — a source of betterment for people who look to improve themselves from the inside. Spirituality and religious proclamations are two very different things. And people should learn to embrace religion, and not let the religion embrace them. I think a lot of “religious” people go in with a lazy attitude, thinking that attending a church service is enough to make them spiritual people. (And of course, I can’t say that it doesn’t … ) But they go in, sit, and let someone (a stranger with a title, no less) tell them what the Bible says. They don’t read it themselves — don’t think about stuff to enlighten and strengthen their beliefs. They assume that because they hear the story of Jonah and Whale that they are a better person.
And again, maybe they are. But it’s lazy. And if they were to read it themselves and think about what they read, they would probably be a lot more spiritually secure with themselves and gain more from the experience.
I respect people (of any religious affiliation) that can study their religious texts and feel enlightened by them, taking them to heart to be a better person. I have many friends who are like this. I do NOT respect Sally Joe who goes to church every Sunday, sits in the front row and praises Jesus on high with a jubuliant shout, and then walks out and tells me I’m sitting in the mouth of Satan because I’m gay, that I will burn in eternal damnation because I was raised Mormon, and will go on with her day unabashed.
But hypocrisy aside, people use religion to make themselves feel better than others. Like it’s some elite organization. Look at all the wars that are fought over religion. Look at the constant legal debates in the US over religious issues (10 Commandments, Pledge of Allegiance, “In God We Trust”). It is always because someone has to be right, and someone has to be wrong — when in most cases, everyone’s wrong.
People need to learn to respect the beliefs of others, but also need to learn not to shove those beliefs down everyone else’s throats. I have no problem if people want to pray in school. I don’t have a problem if someone sing O Holy Night in public. It is someone elses’ beliefs – and they have a right to expression just as much as I do.
No religious affiliation is going to save you. No religious affiliation can honestly 100% tell you what’s going to happen to you when you die. Someone may believe something, but they can’t prove that because you get dunked in a tub of water that you’re going to live forever in the presence of some eternal being. If you can be saved, it’s because of personal conviction, not because of affiliation.
I have more ranting, but i have to eat lunch, so I will be back.

Testes Testes 1 2 3

This is my first post from my mac using Ecto. How fun is that? I guess we’ll see how it turns out.

Today was an eventful day! Around 1:30, the entire School of Nursing at UTMB shook. It was the weirdest feeling! Everyone freaks out when things like that happen. The last time something like that happened, one of the huge cranes working on the building outside our window had crushed a water main when the street collapsed under its weight. The crane then literally BENT over the building. That was a mess, let me tell you.

But today, the BP Amoco plant in Texas City blew up! That’s a good 15 miles away and it shook us. Then there was smoke. I snapped this picture from my window (on the 4th floor) about 5 minutes after it happened. Then the floor was a buzz with gossip. The last report I heard tonite was 14 fatalities with 60 injured. It’s very unfortunate. This particular plant also supplies about 3% of the US oil. That sucks. Oil prices have already shot up since it happened.

But most of all — it made me think about those people who were involved in the explosion — they went to work this morning with no thought that something like this would happen. And it just makes me think about how unsuspecting life can be. Things are going great — and then something turrible happens. It’s very sad. And I know it’s a part of life … but it’s still unfortunate. Makes my heart hurt.

And it makes me realize how blessed I am to be where I am, who I am, with the luxuries that life has given me. I have a good family, amazingly wonderful friends, a new exciting job, an education, and a sense of well-being and happiness — and to top all that off, I have a Matt who is just … beyond words. And how can I not stop and say thank you for what I have? So to my friends who read this — thank you for everything … for taking me out to lunch and listening to me either bitch or gush … for going shopping with me to pick out clothes for a date … for taking me to the ER when I’m pissing blood and doubled over in pain … for staying with me after surgery … for getting me a new job … taking me to vegas to celebrate my birthday. … loving me for who I am and stupid quirks I have … helping me pay for school so I can get an edumacation … for hugging me … kissing me … making me feel like someone who’s worth a gazillion bucks. I could go on and on. But it really all boils down to a big ol’ thank you to everyone. One day I’ll pay you all back with big and glorious things.

done deal

Well. What a day it’s been! Starting off the day by waking up with Matt sent me off with a smile. Great way to start, if you ask me. But, I was also offered a position at Continental Airlines today as Senior Analyst of Interactive Marketing. Something I’ve been hoping and praying for since January.
I’m kind’a torn … I feel sad to leave UTMB … I’ve enjoyed the people and some of the projects (definitely not all, but some), working with the students, and helping teach concepts in the lab. Made some great friends here … and I know i’ve now pissed some people off by leaving. But the opportunity with Continental is one that I just can’t pass up. PLUS — I’ll be working with my bestfriend David — like we did at Mongoose — and my god, how happy that makes me!
I feel so blessed as of late. I mean, geez — things at the beginning of the year were going horribly — kidney stone after kidney stone … and then I met Matt … which is wonderful … and now this — a great job working with my best friend. I’m very thankful.
Very very thankful.


I left work a little late night because I was working in Breeze with Joz to try to figure out some of the media issues I was having. As I’m walking out to my car, I get a text message from Matt that says “don’t eat.”
The boy was at my apartment making me dinner!! He is so amazing! I walk in, and there are flowers everywhere! (well, not everywhere, but there were a lot of flowers). And he was making me chicken spaghetti — and he brought Connie and Carla and had the best time. And he bought wine (and we all know how I am with a little alochol). I had probably 2.5 glasses which left me buzzin. Oh, look — these are the flowers (I took them with my phone).

And then, after dinner — cherry pie!! I’ve never met anyone like Matt — someone who is so outgoing in a relationship, someone who strives to make me grin till my cheeks hurt. And we just laugh and laugh and laugh. And kiss and kiss and kiss.
We took a break during the movie so he could go to the bathroom, and so i sat down at the piano and started playing some beethoven or something that was sitting on the stand. He came out and sat on the floor next to me and started going through my piano music (which is mostly musicals). He’s downloaded a couple of songs from shows to become more familiar with them — and he pulled the book for Aida and asked me to play some songs — and he just sang along with me. How fabulous is that!?
So yah, I’m giddy. And it’s already Tuesday! So I’ll see him again on Friday!

food for thought

I posted this video today for Matt. It’s something I’ve liked for a while, the filming of it, what it is, etc. However, it is very … thought provoking. Perhaps it’s different for me because I’m gay — so I see it one way. What do you guys think about it? I wonder what Matt will think about it. He’ll prolly think I’m a totally whack job for thinking it’s sweet, despite the negative events.
Love to hear your comments. By the way, this is a song by Sigur Ros — Although I couldn’t tell you the name becuase it’s not English.

i got m4d 5k1llz, yo

I brought up the mention of 1337 $p34k at work last week when they were trying to come up with an idea for a team name. I tried to explain the conventions of leet, but i think i just confused everyone. Who knew that Microsoft had a guide for us.
So watch out, yo, if your kids start talking about pr0n. They’ll be perverts and faggots before too long. (*rolls eyes*) Who comes up with this shit?

the cry heard round the world

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! “Many web developers may be disappointed to hear that Microsoft decided to hold off on full CSS2 support with IE 7.0. As said by Microsoft-Watch: ‘One partner said that Microsoft considers CSS2 to be a flawed standard and that the company is waiting for a later point release, such as CSS2.1 or CSS3, before throwing its complete support behind it.'”
LAZY sons-of-bitches is what they are. Jesus. If you can’t do something right the first time, why do it all? Apparently they don’t realize that IE is MORE flawed that CSS 2.0. That’s sorta’ the pot callin’ the kettle black, I think.

you gonna die!

I remember several months ago following the whole Laci Peterson thing on CNN. Everyday it was Scott and Laci this, Scott and Laci that. It was a very sad story. Of course, I didn’t know them in the least. But I did feel that Scott was guilty (from the things I read on CNN anyway, which could well be biased).
And today they announced he would be put to death. Lethal injection. I don’t know how I feel about the death penelty. I think there are some cases where yes, absolutely, the person is a threat to society, complacent about his actions, and sense of illness in our community. Scott Peterson, I think, falls in that category. He is completely unmoved by his actions. He killed this woman who loved and trusted him. And as if that is not enough, he is lying about it, saying he never did it. Take responsibility for your actions, you piece of shit.
I feel very sorry for Laci’s family. Not only because of their loss, but the added salt of the media circus, misplaced trust in their son-in-law, and complete lack of emotion that Scott has. What an unfortunate circumstance to put in someone’s life. To lose your daughter or sister — and grandchild at the same time — must be unimaginably tough. My heart goes out to her family.

Old Mac Donald Had A Farm

I sorta rearranged my office area today when I got home … As most of you know, I recently got a mac-mini and it has fast become the apple of my eye (no pun intended). I’m trying to become a mac-boy, and it’s coming along quite smoothly, thankfully. Davy and Adam have both been helpful with explaining things and providing software that is helpful. Of course, I need not mention that the first application I installed was FireFox…
With that being said — I now have my PC in my bedroom and my Mac in my living room. But alas, I do not have a wireless network … so I have a 50ft. cable stretch from here to Hell which my cat insists on attacking. But short of the wires, the setup is working ok. I can park my ass on the couch, pull my keyboard and mouse to my lap and work away. I setup my speakers behind me, so I’m listening to Rufus (Want One) while I write this incredibly dull paper on Logical vs Physical Network Design.
Today is only Tuesday … that kind’a sucks. I’m not going to see Matt for two weeks because of his work schedule. And sadly, this is going to be a regular thing (every other weekend he’s MINE.) They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I dont know about that. It makes me miss him — I don’t know that I can grow much fonder with out become a stalker and going through his garbage in hopes of finding stale tampons and used razors with which I can hack at my scabby legs.
So — I miss you, Matt. I’m not sure how often you read this — but I do miss not being spending time with you. (How sad is it that it’s only been 2 days. LOL)
Well, hopefully I’ll have some news to report before too long. But until then, I have to keep things on the low-down. Anyway, I think I’ve procrastinated writing my paper enough for the time being…

© 2019 inkspray

Theme by Anders NorénUp ↑