MonthFebruary 2005

the wee doctor

I had my visit with the urologist this morning. I think it’s really outrageous that I pay $30 per visit do have him tell me things I know already. The assistant girl was totally flirting with me tho, which was kind’a amusing (cuz I’m lookin’ kinda hot today — I’m always so amazed by how much weight I’ve lost).
So I give him my latest in the set of stones. I already had one analyzed (Corenlius III from Thanksgiving) — so I dunno what they did with these. But the doctor decides i need an x-ray to make sure they’re gone. I’m like “duh. I’ve follwed these fuckers every inch till they escaped — I know they’re gone.” But I did it anyway.
And wow, all I can say is I’m so glad I wore cute underwear today (those cute little boxer-briefs I got from gap that are little mini-briefs — really precious, and make my ass look hot). The guy who did the x-ray was really cute. Something about men in scrubs. They just look so clean — fashion isn’t an issue. I’m sure he was straight, (and married I think). But still. Always nice to be poked and prodded by cute mens.
So, in the end, *surprise*, the stones are gone. And they give me this huge-ass orange bottle to collect piss for 24 hours. I have to keep it in my fridge. And for some reason, the thought of this is revolting to me. Color me crazy. Hopefully this will help them to diagnose why I keep getting these damn stones.

dead like them

My friends Michael-gurl and Patrick came over this evening and we watched Desperate Housewives and two episodes of Dead Like Me. I refuse to get hooked on Desperate Housewives … I don’t watch tv hardly at all, and I’m scurd that if I start now, my soul will be wisped away into the ether, and I will sit there with even less motivation to do shit than I currently have.
That being said … I LOVE Dead Like Me. Every time I watch it, I just have to take time and reflect about things. About how I don’t take advantage of life — grab it by the balls and make it my bitch. (Tho, I’m not certain I know how to do that.) About how some people are very valuable in my life — and how I do little things to bring them with me. I have little momentums. Like – forever example – when I was in junior college in Idaho, I kept a journal. I have 3 journals filled with the details of my junior college years. And stashed in those journals are drawings made by friends, little notes, and other small memories that I associate with that time. And I’ll always have them.
I just threw away a letter today written to me by an ex. The letter used to hold some sentiment … but my friendship with him has decayed into unfortunate nothingness. And the letter no longer means anything to me. I did, however, keep some of the other momentos that were left with the letter. But that’s beside the point … I think after a while, momentos take on a nature of their own, apart from the meaning they once held. They become a memento just because they’re a momento. And they get brought with you wherever you go, year after year, place after place, relationship after relationship.
Why do we keep them? Is it longing? Wanting to keep a piece of that moment or person alive, even tho they arne’t here anymore? Or maybe it’s fear of losing the investment we made in them? It makes me think of my grandmother. She died was I was 21 of pneumonia brought on by her chemo treatments for lymphatic cancer. She was never without her camera. And the woman had photo albums galore. (I wonder what ever came of those …) But why pictures? And is it any different to have a paper picture than a digital picture? Seems like digital pictures can so easily be forgotton … I think I’d prefer to have a scrapbook or photo album. But then again, I always was a sentimental bitch.
And wow, look at me ramble. This post had nothign to do with anything. Just me having brain leakage. Meh. Anyway time for bed.

Spring Cleaning

PSP has finally struck. Post-Sickness Syndrome. I woke up this morning with the unrefutable desire to clean my apartment. Washed the sheets, broke out the 409, Clorox, and Windex and went to town de-germifying my apartment. Vaccummed, scrubbed the kitchen floor, did more laundry, went through old mail, filed contracts, taxes, old meeting agendas in their appropriate places. (I threw away a Pier 1 bag bigger than Kirstie Ally.) Washed a bunch of dishes that needed re-washing since my dishwasher is the biggest piece of shit known to man.
I started working on a new design for Option9 today … not sure if i like what I’ve come up with yet. It’s very simple … and I’m not sure if *that* type of simple is the look we need to go for. But that’s beside the point.
I opened all the windows because we had a very nice breeze blowing (which I’m sure stirred up more cat hair that what is currently on my cat.)
And now I just need to run to the grocery store and pick up some lovely things to eat and restock my pantry. But I’m not really sure what to get. I don’t much cook just for myself — so I end up just buying snacky foods. But I’ve really been in the mood for lemon cake… Might have to break down and bake.
Friday nite Alex and Lisa came over with some wine and absynthe and we had such a fun time. Mind you, we were all rather buzzed and were laughing our assess off at Steve, Don’t Eat It! Ya know — I’ve only had absynthe twice — but I really like that crap. Nice flavor, and I don’t usually like a strong anise flavor. But that stuff isn’t bad if it’s prepared correctly.
Other than that — I have a muchly needed relaxing weekend. And since I have a small break from school, it’s fantastic timing.

A Quiz From Steve

I have this friend who is terribly witty and hilarious as hell. We chat on and off through the day via e-mail about whatever. Great fun to drink with and just shoot the shit. Last week, I was telling him of my problems of finding people to date (in general), that I tend to run the extreme. And he said I should post a quiz on my blog to screen people. Here is the quiz he suggested. Feel free to qualify yourself. I’ll be reviewing applications and interviewing soon. (or something.)


1. If I were a tree, I would be a:

2. My idea of a fun night is to:

3. The last big relationship I was in:

4. The last book I read was:

5. If Michael agrees to date me:

6. I think that monogamy is:

7. My relationship with my parents is:

8. To keep the spark in my relationships, I:

9. My friends support my relationships by:

10. As for body,:

fire fire everywhere

I hate todays like today. I feel like I’m running at 90mph, but still 5 feet behind where I should be. I, apparently, forget to set my alarm last nite — which is something I never forget to do — and did not wake up until 9:08 when my mother called me. Of course, I’m supposed to be at work in Galveston at 9 (which is a 45 minute drive). So I started the day off late.
Then … I get an e-mail from one of Genevieve’s site visitors saying that he can’t access the galleries. I look — and sure enough — PHP errors galore saying it can’t connect to the mySQL database. Turns out — thanks to her appearance on the Howard Stern show yesterday — her site got SWAMPED with traffic. I mean close to 30,000 unique visitors. — and 13,000 so far today (and it’s only noon). So I had to put out that fire. (If you want to go to the site — like i need to encourage the traffic at this point — — I designed it, for those who don’t know.)
And now there’s 50 gazillion students at UTMB having PDA problems all of a sudden — and what a NIGHTMARE that is. So I’ve been trying to reach tech support with the software company to resolve these issues, but no one answers (bitches! all of them!)
And I need to eat something, but don’t know what to get. I hate the limited lunch cuisine on the Island. I can only eat Subway often. And like hell if i’m going to have McDonalds or something nasty — and I had Taco Hell last nite for dinner (big mistake there). So I wil have to venture into the mighty forest of Galveston and forage for food stuffs, hoping to find something that doesn’t make me feel like I need to take a shower after eating it.
Anyway — took a quick pic today. Happy foto friday.

les miserables

Alex pointed me to a new band today — Eisley. Never heard of them. Here’s their website: So, being that I’d never heard of them before, I open the page and see this picture.

My hell, what is wrong with them? Give the kids a sandwhich and a bar of soap! They look homeless and rather impoverished, not to mention malnourished.
Truth be told, I have no idea what sort of music they play. I read on there that they have canceled their Denver concert because one girl is sick sick sick — the first time in seven years. What the hell!? Were they performing when they were like 8? I mean, I’m not even certain puberty has hit all of them yet.
*UPDATE* —————
So I listened to some of the samples on their site and I have to say, they aren’t bad. Not sure I’d buy a cd, but the remix of Lost At Sea was pretty fun — quirky even. I looked on — but alas, nothing. Sad news. Oh well.

A Little Better

Despite that fact that I slept like shit last nite, I’m actually feeling a little better today. Well, I haven’t been sneezing all day, and my congestion has cleared (*knock on wood*). Thankfully, work has been slow and I’ve had a steady stream of things to do. Otherwise, I’d want to put my head on my desk and die. (LOL, i’m so dramatic.)
Today is my best friend’s (David’s) 3 year anniversary with his boyfriend. Much congratulations to them on a feat that seems hard to reach these days. /hug to both of you.
Ya know … every anniversary has a theme set by God only knows who. I did some research and the objects for 3rd year anniversary is crystal or leather. I’m sure you can only imagine the flurry of ideas that pranced through my little mind as a fiendish grin swept across my face. I personally don’t care for leather OR crystal.
Well, a leather whip would be fun… but it’s not my annivesary.
I’m in such a rambly sort’a mood. Prolly all the drugs I’m on. The Director’s Cut of Donnie Darko is available on DVD today. Hooray! I’m going to try to pick one up either today or this weekend. (Have some shit to do before I can actually sit and watch it.)
I’ve been thinking a lot about religion lately — about how I was raised and why I believe the things I do. I was having a conversation with a friend about Hell and Pergatory and I was rattlin’ away like a baptist preacher on a tented hill in August. I’ve always enjoyed studying theology. I can’t say that I really give a flying rats ass about christian dogma, but from a social perspective, and even an archiological perspective, i think it’s fascinating. Especially when you add the Book of Mormon into it.
Do I think that God personally visits people? Nope. I think a lot of people believe he has (to them even) — but it just doesn’t add up to me. And if Jesus and Mary can appear in bricks, glass, and grilled cheese sandwhiches, why can’t we get a little clarification on what’s going on the world. You’d think we could use a prophet like in old Biblical times “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” Run Chicken-Little, Run. And some religions claim to have a prophet. And to that, I don’t know what to say. I know the Mormon prophet is a good man who gives good council. “Don’t do drugs. Love your family. Take care of your own., etc.” And perhaps that should suffice. For many it does.
But me — I’m just a hateful little bitch who takes things for granted. Looks too much at the details to see the beauty of the whole. And maybe that loses the sanctity of relgion. Maybe it’s not supposed to be in the thee’s and thou’s. Secular knowledge of sacred writings … What would Jesus Do?
Prolly kick back and have another beer.

happy vd

I trust everyone had a glorious valentine’s day — one for the books. Mine was spent drinking a LOT of tea and laying in bed — oh and sneezing a lot. Even if I had had a special someone to share it with, I probably would have opted for being alone simply due to the contagion factor.
I swear that girl at UTMB is going down. I don’t understand why people who are THAT sick go out in public. I mean, look at me! I am polite and stayed home. In fact, I may even be staying home tomorrow as well, we’ll have to see how well I sleep tonite. Cuz as of right now, I feel like hell.
I sneeze like every 15 minutes and when I do, my eyes water — and they already feel all swollen and shit. I don’t think I’ve had a cold this bad in a LONG time.
Prolly best that Cupid stayed away today. Oh — I made a VD compilation a week ago to try to get me in the mood. Turns out it was pretty damn depressing. In fact, it seems like a lot of the songs have something to do with any given ex. That wasn’t my intention — but i guess it makes sense. LOL. But here is the list. If you’d like the mp3s, just drop me a line and we’ll figure something out.

1. All is Full of Love — Bjork
2. The Origin of Love — Rufus Wainwright
3. So Damned Cute — Clay Barker
4. 1000 Oceans — Tori Amos
5. Kissing You — Des’ree (Romeo + Juliette)
6. Somethin’ Stupid — Robbie Williams/Nicole Kidman
7. Gorecki — Lamb
8. John, 2-15 — Shivaree
9. Crush — Jennifer Paige
10. Your Song — Ewan McGregor
11. Elaborate Lives — Aida (the musical)
12. He’s Got a Way — Bernadette Peters
13. You Move Me — Susan Ashton
14. The Man I Love — Alison Moyet
15. Come What May — Ewen McGregor/Nicole Kidman
16. Sonnet 29 — Rufus Wainwright
17. The Kiss — Hooverphonic
18. Rock Me Gently — Clay Barker
19. The Very Thought Of You — Nat King Cole

fond memories and stuff

UGH. I HATE BEING SICK!!! That girl at UTMB that got me sick is going to PAYYY! I have been in bed all day. I’m running fever. My nose feels like rush hour at 45 and 59 — stopped up from Hell to Maine. And what’s worse, is now — when i swallow — my ear squeaks. Who’s ear squeaks!? Mine does. How fucked up is that!?
So I’m having problems getting back to sleep because I can’t breath and I keep sneezing. So I lay there, thinking about stuff. And I started thinking about “fond” memories.
I remember when i was 13 years old — on August 11, actually. My father finally got the balls enough to tell my bitch of a step-mother he was leaving and wanting a divorce. God I remember that day so well. It was seriously one of the happiest days of my life. I remember sitting on the brow reclining sofa — in the middle part that didn’t recline — and watching the whole event unfold. They were standing under this brown ceiling fan that was humming slightly, and all the lights were off, but there was this weird light effect because of the sky light in the middle of the room. Jeannette was crying a lot, saying “please don’t leave, please don’t leave.” And I just sat there on the couch watching, wishing things would hurry up cuz i wanted to get out of there.
I know it was really hard for my dad. I remember he cried in the truck on the way out of there. But the woman was a total bitch. I can’t even begin to tell you the nasty things she did. Let’s just sum it all up by saying that she burnt everything she cooked. Oh, and she made us eat green beans every fuckin’ night. Disgusting.
But, I know that shouldn’t be a fond memory. But it really was the beginning of a much better time for me. She was an abusive woman — used to give me Dexatrim as a child (when i was like 6 or 7). Who does that!? I wasn’t even a fat child. (Stupid bitch, i hate her.)
I haven’t seen her since that day. I heard she remarried — but I’ve never inquired more about here or where she is. I have driven by the old house a few times before. No one I know lives there now — and all my childhood friends have families of their own now, I imagine. Crazy to think that that was 15 years ago. Crazy to think that one of my fondest memories is such a negative memory for others.
Anyway, can you tell I’m on a gazillion drugs? I think I’m going to go lay down again. Try to sleep.

new and improved!

Well, I did it. RockMeGently 2.0 is completed. Took a lot of tweaking and testing between and IE and Firefox, but we finally have success. A HUGE thank you to my doll of a friend, Adam, who helped me with scripting stuff. Couldn’t have done it without him. And thanks to Alex, David, Davy, and Laura who have been my guinea pigs to taste stuff.
So now that I have a fresh design, I’ll *probably* blog more. Theoretically, anyway.
In other news, everyone at work has been getting sick this past week. Half of our office was out on Tuesday. I thought I was good off because I had refrained from the illness. That is, until Friday, when one of the students came in to get her PDA and take a test. The girl was dripping in sickness. I mean, she just looked bad. And she’s all coughin’, and snottin’ all over the place. I was like *guh* germs!! And now my bitch ass is sick. My head has hurt all day, I’m one big snot bubble. And trust me, it looks about as attractive as it sounds.
So, time for me to crawl back into bed and sleep to the sound of the on-and-off rain.

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