MonthDecember 2004


I was decked this morning by Alex as they decorate our office for our little Christmas open house thing tomorrow afternoon. This photo is (sadly) photoshopped to remove the bags from under my eyes because at this moment, it looks like I’ve done heroin for the past 4 years.

vegas: the cliff notes version

Ok, so I am going to attempt to scribe my Vegas memoires for the better of humanity and because most of my friends know that I have approximately 256mb of memory in my head that apparently has a leak.
So for starters, this trip was my vacation/birthday trip. Everyone got confused cuz my birthday isn’t really until tomorrow — but it doesn’t really matter. I’m not having a birthday next year, and the year after that it will be in June (mark your calendars, kids — June 18). So, vacation it was — it was also a prime opportunity to finally meet Adam after over a year of almost daily conversation.
Thursday came about, and I was working up to about 10 minutes before leaving for the airport. I was a total wreck at that point — tired, and just ready to be somewhere other than Houston. Airport was fine, security, blah blah blah, made me take my shoes off, blah blah blah, full flight, “anyone wanna give up their seat?” “hell no.”
Flight was fine, I sat next to some guy going to Sacremento who kept talking to me and wouldn’t shut up. He asked what I was going to Vegas for — “my birthday.” “Oh, are you going alone?” “Well how much fun would that be? I’m meeting people up there. My friend, Adam, and my best friend, David and his boyfriend.” ” … Ah.” That seemed to do the trick and he didn’t talk to me the rest of the flight.
I get to the airport which is swamped with cowboys, women with *gag* camel toes and pink cowboy boots, and an usually large amount of people in wheelchairs (I swear it was a parade.) So I’m wandering around, completely lost. Adam has been watching me the whole time. Apparently it was easy to spot the queen coming off tle plane. So I walk past this column, and there he is. I recognized him immediately, and I’m like “yay adam!” and I gave him a hug. So we went in search of our luggage. Got it — taxi — arrived at Excalibur. Recovered from the overwhelming cowboyness on display everywhere. (It was national rodio finals or something). We get upgraded to a room overlooking New York, New York cuz it was the only non-smoking room available. By now, it’s like 9:30.
We decided to go get something to eat — and we wander about looking at different menus, and Adam talks about this Congee stuff at this restaurant called Noodles. We end up going to this restaurant called The Noodle Shop that is a carbon copy of the place he was talking. He orders an appetizer of soy-soaked tofu and 3 types of seaweed. I’m brave, despite the fact that it looks like brown polymer and uhh … that weird plastic easter grass. So I try the tofu first — and it was not good, but it wasn’t absolutely disgusting. The worst part was the texture. I tried the seaweed … and I take a bite, and something *bursts* in my mouth, and it totally grosses me out. It was just retched. Turns out the thign that burst was a sesame seed — but still — when you’re trying new foods, you don’t want something to burst in your mouth. Foul. So he laughs at me (and no doubt thinks “this is going to be a long weekend.”) He orders this Seafood Congee stuff, which is like rice porridge stuff with chunks of … uh … seafood in it. He’s like “just try it.” It wasn’t bad. Until it dropped on my plate and looked like someone shot a load all over. So from that point on, I dubbed it “Cumgee.”
From there, we go and hit the slots. He plays a lot of video poker and black jack — and I was hooked on the Wheel of Fortune slots. I ended up winning like $100. (Of course, that would disappear later in the trip.) We ended the night about 3:30.
Friday — we walked our asses off, yo. We hit like 12 casinos along the strip, gambling in each one. We toured the malls — and that was just about it, until that evening when we went to see Ka, Cirque’s new show. I dragged poor Adam into every damn Cirque Du Soleil shop in Vegas — several times even. I ended up only getting a program. ROFL. Poor Adam. By the time we got to Ka, we were bothing hurting. My legs hurt, my back hurt — and so did Adam’s. It was nice to sit and just watch for a while.
We got in Ka, and I was amazed by the theater. It was really cool. These big metal columns with multi-tiered catwalks. Eventually (before the show started) some of the performers came out and were on harnesses jumping from tier to tier (in typical Cirque fashion). Light music was playing in the background, and we couldn’t tell where it was coming from. We couldn’t see speakers anyway. Turns out the speakers were in the headrest of our chairs. Big flames were coming from the pit where the stage was. We could feel the heat with each blast. The show went on, blah blah blah — discussed that in a previous entry. It was enjoyable, and Adam liked it — his first Cirque show.
David and Matthew arrived that nite, while we were at the show. Adam and I were exhausted after the show and decided to go to bed instead of meeting up with the boys. So bed it was.
David calls us at 10 the next morning wondering when/where we’d meet up. I’m like “ughhhhh … must …. sleep ….” So we did — but only for an hour. We met at like 11:30 — and thus began our day of drinking…
Brunch starts off with some yummy focacia sandwhich and a midori/chamborde drink called the Inclinator. From there, we went to the Rum Jungle in Mandalay Bay. This place had 160 different types of rums. We’re ordering drinks and the waitress, who looked oddly like Toni Collette, told me that, for my birthday, I was having a Stro-cano, which was a step up from the Volcano that everyone else was having. I have no idea what was in it except for teh 160-proof butterscotch-infused rum floating on top. All I really remember is that it was like fire going down for the first half, and I don’t recall much after except asking if I can get in the go-go cage and that I was wearing really cute underwear so it would be ok.
And thus began the queeniest day of my life.
So I’m rather intoxicated upon leaving Rum Jungle — feeling good, nice and warm. I think we left Mandalay after that, but I don’t know where we went next. I know we took a tram — and it was really crowded. And as David so kindly mentioned in a comment earlier, this is where my so-called pole dance came in. I just remember the Mexican girl that was laughing at me — but eventually most people in the tram were laughing at the drunk red-headed queen who was talking about the semi-naked woman on the bill-board for Follies Bergere and “manscaping.” I think I was singing along and/or dancing to Dancing Queen that kept being played for the Mama Mia commerical over the speaker.
I think we went for more bread pudding after that. I wanted another drink … a vodka/7 — but my “friends” told the waitress to not get me one while I was in the bathroom. I did not know this of course, and they just laughed at me while I said the drink was strong. Well bitches. The drink was strong cuz the hooker put tonic in it — bleh. I hate tonic. It’s so bitter. bleh. So I told the waitress it was my birthday and (LOL) asked if they had a candle. Sure as shit they did, and I asked if she would sing and she, laughing, agreed — and off she went to get the candle. Another waitress came up and asked if we needed anything and I, in all my drunken charm and red-headed queeniness, convinced her to sing with the other girl. And so they did. And they comped the bread pudding as well.
I don’t know what we did next.
At some point during the day we went to New York, New York. We were going to ride the little Manhattan Express thing with some of Matthew’s friends. We spent some time in the arcade there playing skeeball while David and Adam gawked at some hot guy in a white shirt, apparently with a little bit of acorn showin’. David even took pictures with his phone. (Nice.) We ended up with 78 tickets. We go to the counter and I’m like what are we going to get with 78 tickets. We ended up getting 39 sets of these little sticker jewel things, which would soon be adorning all of us (although everyone but me seemed to discreetly remove them).
So we’re waiting around for these peeps, and I’m standing there looking at these four old women and I go up to them and I’m like “Hey gurls, you want some dot things?” And they’re like “what are they?” And I’m like “they’re like teardrop things, see?” I showed them mine. They’re all like “oh, ok sure!” So here’s me putting these stickers on these four women. They were classy. I liked them. So we talked for a bit, and found out they work in Dallas. The one lady (my favorite), Sue, was telling me about this co-worker of hers that they called Erica (his name is Eric) and how he’d just love me. She gave me her card — and I gave her mine — and David gave her his too. I told her we were going back down to get a drink that they should join us. They agreed, but had to wait for a friend to get off the ride.
So, we get our drinks, go back up and talk some more. Nothing eventful there — said our goodbyes. We met Jaime and Jeremy, Matthew’s friends — and we rode the little roller coaster which made me feel a little squeemish with all the alcohol and bread pudding. But I survived — and we went off to dinner after that.
Dinner was at some fancy shmancy italian place. David and I both had the special, some chicken ravioli with tomato cream sauce. Was lovely. I know I tried Matthew’s cigarettes which tasted like … barbecue. Wasn’t bad, actually.
I think we went around gambling after that. I know Matthew and I were walking around hand-in-hand as Matthew made some very loud comments about fucking up the ass. Boy, you want to talk about the looks we got. Was fun tho.
Nno idea what happened after that. I think it was an early night — and we all went to bed. Matthew and David were leaving the next morning, so that was it for them. Said our goodbyes, and the were off to the swanky Tropicana.
Sunday, Adam and I didn’t really want to do much of anything — we wre both tired, and both hurting from all the trapsing about. We did lunch in NY, NY I think, tho I don’t recall where or what it was. And then — the highlight of the trip (ROFL) we went to the Las Vegas Hilton to do the little Star Trek Borg Invasion/Klingon thing. It was extremely expensive. Adam and I were both rolling our eyes at the Klingon thing because it was extremely outdated. EXTREMLY. We’re flying around in our little ship, and we pass EFX which was playing when I was in college some 7-8 years ago. The Borg thing was pretty cool tho. The poor Lt. Whoever … I felt so bad for her. She had to act her part against a TV screen, pretending we were being attacked. It was really dumb, but she took it seriously, despite the guy next to us talking about his having his prostate checked. She was eventually borg-ized or assimilated or aggregated or whatever they do.
We did some shopping — I got a ring at the Teno store in the Alladin — and then it was back to the room for a nice relaxing time in front of the television.
We watched this infomercial about the Scunci Steamer (which is really cool — I totally want one.). And then we watched The Bourne Identity, which neither Adam nor I had seen. It was pretty damn good, despite all the stupid John Travolta commericals we kept having to endure.
After that, we decided to go get dinner. Back to the 9 Horsemen (3rd time) in NY, NY. Adam got Fish ‘n Chips. I got … bread pudding (3rd time). This time, however, I got the recipe:
You take some white bread, cut the crusts off, smear it down with heaps of butter, sprinkle it with sugar, make like a sandwhich, cut it into strips, put it in the pan or cup or whatever you’re using, melt vanilla ice cream and pour it over. Bake it in a water bath at 350 for 30 minutes. Top it with a butter/vanilla/rum sauce. And tada! That’s it.
Back to the hotel, after some man watching. We were leaving Monday, so we did some brief souvenir shopping.
Monday, we checked out. I got like 7 phone calls during throughout the day — the first being … Sue. The old woman I had put those sticker jewel things on. ROFL. She’s like “I just wanted to see who’s card this was. Are you the boy who gave us the dots?” I’m like “oh yah, gurl, that’s me!” And we talked briefly, and that was it. ROFL. Silly. But funny. I made a new friend! ROFL.
Yah, so Adam and I went and had pizza for lunch, which was incredibly dry. And we talked for several hours about this that and the other — religion, relationships, etc. We really nice. One of the highlights of the trip actually.
We went back, got our bags — went to the airport, flew to Phoenix, dropped Adam off — and off I went to Houston.
It was so awesome finally getting to meet Adam. He’s a total doll — so sweet. Thankfully he has a sense of humor. I owe him a HUGE thank you for the trip. HUUGGEEE. I wouldnt have been able to do it without him.
And I’m very happy that David and Matthew were able to come out and play — although — now he David has even more ammo on me (as we’ve all seen from the comments he’s left.) I will never live down the tram ride. I will 90 and completely incontinent and he will still tell the orderlies about it.
Oh well. It was a wonderful time. Sad i had to come back to Houston to the hum-drum of … life.
But hey. I have the recipe for that bread pudding. Who can beat that?

las vegas, fertile plain

I was sitting at the counter in a dinner on a corner … Hooray! I’m in Las Vegas with bon monsieur Adam! What a jolly good time we’ve had wandering from casino to casino in a drunken stupor. Actually, it seems like all we’ve done at this juncture in the game is … well … gamble and eat. Of course, I’m too chicken shit to play anything but slots — and I’m happy to say that I have won back everything I spent, plus enough to cover anything I’ve bought while here. So God bless the Wheel of Fortune slot machines.
Last night we went to see Ka — Cirque du Soleil’s latest show, playing at the MGM. Overall impression: the technology got in the way of the show. Yes, there were some AMAZING things. But seriously, the way the sets worked was just breathtaking and gargantuan. It totally stole from the actors. Music was ok. Nothing spectacular. And much to everyone’s surprise, i’m sure — I’ve yet to buy anything Cirque except for the program.
But as I’ve said, we wandered around yesterday — playing slots — eating — discussing how unfortunate some womens’ outfits were, dodging the little cards that the non-english speaking people thurst in front of us as we walk that have pictures of women eating another woman’s ass. We walked probably 6-7 miles yesterday, and chilrens, my body HURTS. Thank god I’ve been sleeping well.
Adam has been a doll. We’ve had a delightful time talking and walking and gambling. Everyone should meet him when they have the chance.
Today we are meeting up with David and Matthew (who arrived late last nite). Who can say what lies in store for tonite. Maybe we’ll stalk Celine and throw things at her.

leavin’ on a jet plane

I’m leaving today at 6:45 for Vegas to meet up with my blogging buddy, Adam from I’ve never met him before — but I KNOW we’re going to have such a good time. We don’t really have any set plans … going to see the new Cirque show “KA” at the MGM on Friday nite.
This is supposed to be my Birthday trip — but honestly, it’s more of a vacation for me, because I so desparately need a vacation. And of course, I’d just have to go and get sick 4 days before I’m supposed to leave.
Karma, I’m sure.
David and Matthew are joining us tomorrow and i’m sure we’ll find lots of great food and adult beverages to consume. I’ve requested that we go to at least one drag show (NOT Celine Dion) while we’re there. Other than that, i have no expectations or iteneraries.
Adam was telling me he was going to get me an escort for my birthday. They’re like $300 an hour. He sent me some pictures from some tak-a-rific site — and they had REVIEWS of these escorts. Let’s think about this — um. EW. They made it out like they were a restauarant or a book or something. “I had this, and it was fabulous.” Knowing that 98% of those guys are freaky, yuk-o’s — why would I want to pay $300 an hour to “be” with some good looking person. It really made me feel ill.
Well, iller than I already was.
Anyway, I should be back late Monday nite. I’m taking a digi-cam, so I should have pics, etc.

of all places…

I was thinking today as I was taking a slash about the cute boy I saw in the elevator yesterday. He was getting off as I was getting on, so there was but a brief passing — but — there was definitely a double-take there. He was defintely cute, and I semi-regret not stepping off that elevator to talk. But such is life.
So I’m going wee today and I was thinking about how difficult it is to meet a good quality guy, yada yada yada. And then I was thinking of all the places you don’t want to meet a guy. Some are very obvious:
1.) A bar. You never know what sort of alcohol problems may come with that package. Plus, if bar-hoping is a regular thing, that is not for me. Unless they have karaoke, of course. Then I’m all for it.
2.) A club. Of course not all people who go to clubs are bad and evil. However, meeting a guy at a club with whom to have a steady/healthy relationship could entail social/regular drug use — alcohol problems — clubbing every weekend (ugh). Like I said, this isn’t for everyone — but the risk is there. And with my track record, if there one of those people in a crowd of 300 people at a club, he would find me.
3.) Public bathrooms. Uhhhh. Do I really need to say anything about this. I think my aversion to bathroom communications and casual chitchat are well documented in this blog. And really — how would that come about? “Hey man, you sure did pee a long time, that’s hot.” Yah, I don’t think so. Unless you’re George Michael. Then call me.
4.) Operating Rooms. I do want to date someone who has been inside of me while I’m unconscious — much less inserted instruments into my penis or rectum. I don’t need them rootin’ around my colon looking for polyps or signs of cancer.
5.) A Star Trek Convention. As if I would ever go to a Star Trek convention anyway … but then you run this risk of them wearing scary costumes around the house, making horrific Star Trek referrences, and trying to mind meld (or whatever) with you during sex. Scary scary scary.
6.) Sears. I know no gay man who actually shops at Sears. Chances are, if they’re at Sears, they’re probably lesbian and not really a guy at all.
7.) Jail and/or Prison. This sorta ranks right up there with Ripcord. I don’t care to be someone’s bitch — or to get shivved in the shower. I saw Oz. I know what goes on in there.
8.) A Mormon Wedding. Well, chances are — they’re Mormon. And either not gay — or very closeted. And like I need either. I am all about religious tolerance to a degree … but the baggage associated with being closeted … I’d rather by single.
So as you can see — finding a guy is hard. That basically leaves me with Bed Bath & Beyond, Barnes & Noble, William Sonoma, GAP, and Pottery Barn. What’s a boy to do?

as of late

It seems that within the past two weeks or so, a certain ex of mine (who I will refer to as Lame-Obstentacious-Gaudy-Asshole-Narcassist — or L.O.G.A.N for short) has been coming up in conversations and/or dreams. I saw a picture of him on the internet — I see his name in weird places online that have nothing to do with him. So of course, he has been in my thoughts.
And I look back in deep contemplation, thinking about how happy and content I was with him — and how I politely overlooked some of his rather irritating traits and obsessions. And it’s rather obvious to me that I was in a position at that time where I needed his lift up, because things were kind’a shitty for me at the time. I ignored a lot of red flags … and I was content in my haven of him.
But, pejorative comments aside, I find myself thinking about him, thinking about how he made me feel when we were together, and thinking about how much my feelings for him have changed because i focused on the salamagundi of emotion that I had allowed him to create in me. And because of that, I imagine that my perception of him was vitiated because I was hurt — although his lack of tact didn’t help resolve our situation.
All in all — despite the reprehensible aftermath — I enjoyed my time with him — loved him very much. This is not saying that I want to have contact with him or have him in my life in any way other than a memory — but I think the time for constant negativity directed towards him has finally come to a halt. This way I can finally return to the decent, caring person I really am, and focus on more productive things.

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