MonthOctober 2004

coin-operated boy

coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy
made of plastic and elastic
he is rugged and long-lasting
who could ever ever ask for more
love without complications galore
many shapes and weights to choose from
i will never leave my bedroom
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend….
coin operated boy
all the other real ones that i destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i’ll
never let him go and i’ll never be alone
not with my coin operated boy……
this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didnt think so but im still convinceable
will you persist even after i bet you
a billion dollars that i’ll never love you
will you persist even after i kiss you
goodbye for the last time
will you keep on trying to prove it?
i’m dying to lose it…
i want it
i want you
i want a coin operated boy.
and if i had a star to wish on
for my life i cant imagine
any flesh and blood could be his match
i can even take him in the bath
coin operated boy
he may not be real experienced with girls
but i know he feels like a boy should feel
isnt that the point that is why i want a
coin operated boy
with his pretty coin operated voice
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me
straight and to the point
that is why i want
a coin operated boy
The Dresden Dolls

such a mo

A lot has been going on in my mind lately it would seem. I went out on Friday nite with a bunch of friends to the typical gay stomping grounds in Houston. We started at Meteor, then to O, then to JRs, then back to O. I had a chance to do a lot of people watching (as we were positioned at a table RIGHT next to a stripper who kept talking to Michael-gurl). And ya know, as the night progressed on, I really became agitated with what I saw. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been in a room full of so many self-absorbed people, being from them looking to get their mack on, their Prada shoes, perfect tan, snow-white teeth, Diesel jeans … you get my drift.
Why does gay social culture have to be so shallow and materialistic. Now, of course, I’m not talking about everyone — and chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re NOT one of them.
I was discussing my feelings on this topic with a very valuable friend of mine (and wise old man) over IM today and here is how his views went:

Me: i am just very disenchanted with gay culture — in a social sense.
Me: i’m a homosexual, but not really gay.
Him: I with ya mah brutha.
Me: i just don’t know what’s wrong with people.
Me: 🙁
Me: /dishearten
Me: values and sensibilities … seems they just dont exist
Me: i mean if we could take the passion for name brands and fashion that exists in four gay bars and put it towards a social problem — just think where we’d be today?
Him: better yet… what if we all talked about how shallow we are as gay people to the point where everyone was disgusted by our choices and behaviors. That would carry through to stop social problems from forming.
Me: i thought that was what Pride Parades were for.
Me: lol
Him: no. those were to celebrate being diverse and different.
Him: now it’s to show off you new DG belt and Prada shoes.
Me: right
Him: and to mock those people who only shop at the Gap.
Me: aww, i like Gap.
Me: how many people would have to talk out tho to make a change?
Him: a lot.
Me: and is that just of gay people?
Him: and it’s more than just a gay thing.
Me: or people in general
Him: it’s an American thing.
Me: i can see that
Him: we are all shallow.
Him: in many many ways
Him: that we all continue to ignore because we are lazy and have no desire to change our status quo —
Me: i think i’ve realized that lately.
Him: but the problem is so very deep seeded.
Him: I mean you can’t even begin to touch or resolve the problem without looking at yourself. And once you do that… you realize how you are being a hypocrite in so MANY ways.
Him: at that point… where do you stop?
Me: well i think you have to turn your actions
Him: no — but I mean
Me: ie — faith without works is dead
Him: once you start taking a look at yourself and questioning your practices in order to be an example of the kind of person you want to other to be —
Him: where do you stop?
Him: once you are fully clothed in non 3rd world children created clothes eating NO meat NO dairy, making sure to protest big corporations in America, the ensuing corporate globalizaiton and taking time to cry for every person that dies in this world unjustly.
Him: and if you don’t happen to do one appropriately… then you are a hypocrite.
Me: i see what you mean
Him: so where do you stop?
Him: better question:
Him: where do you stop in changing yourself to be a person fit to tell others how they need to change.
Him: without falling short of measuring up to what you are preaching?
Him: slippery slope yo
Him: 😐
Me: so we just don’t do anythign?
Him: I don’t know about that.
Him: lol
Him: I don’t have the answer to that. Anyway you attempt to answer that can be contrued as being either heartless and inhuman or just a psycho liberal.
Him: and anything in between is still a little bit of both.
Him: so it just sucks
Him: I mean.. .
Him: it’s heartless to say “You are only one person and can do so much”
Him: is it not?
Me: its honest.
Him: yeah. and very realistic.
Him: but doesn’t it break your heart to know that is the reality what we live in?
Him: and that someone is dying or starving because of it?
Me: absolutely.
Him: 🙁
Me: but we can’t just sit and do nothing.
Me: i’d rather be a hypocrite doing SOME good than a wishful hypoocrite doing nothing
Him: sadly, it doesn’t stir me enough to give up all of my possessions and lifestyle choices to make a real difference.
Me: right.
Me: i’m not about to quite dairy products.
Me: i’ll have kidney stones galore
Me: meat, i could probably manage.
Him: so I will continue living and working in the same machine that I hate, that provides me with what I call a decent life.
Me: well, i need to give something back.

So anyone got an suggestions on how to make a better tomorrow?

acts of charity

I have decided to start a fundraising campaign to raise $500 for a charitable association that encourages creative expression in children. I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been giving back enough to the world, and after a dream (which I’ll mention more of in a bit), I felt this was a prime opportunity to pick a charity and encourage others to give a little as well.
I chose the charity “Create Now!” because they are 100% non-profit, and the work they do is working with children is a step in the right direction for providing needy and troubled kids with a outlet for creative expression. This is done by pairing the kids up with a creative mentor from a field in which the child has shown interest.
This dream I had the other nite was about a kid, Matthew, that I used to watch when I was doing volunteer work at a day care in Pasadena, Texas. The kid was the sweetest little boy I think I’ve ever met — but — his mother was an alcoholic prostitute. Neglect was a common part of home life … and it broke my heart. This dream about Matthew refreshed my memory of his situation and planted the motivation to help.
So, my goal is to raise a minimum of $500 for the Create Now! organization by Christmas 2004. This seems very dooable. If every person who visits my website in a month were to give a simple $1 donation, we could EASILY double or triple that goal. So please, if you have an extra dollar or two, consider donating to this cause. Thanks!

christians are of the devil

Ya know — I am so fed up with all this halloween bullshit going on. Sure, it’s on Sunday this year. Whoop-de-doo. I was reading CNN and there was a front-page article about how people are freaking out cuz Halloween falls on a Sunday this year. Here is the best quote in the article:

“You just don’t do it on Sunday,” said Sandra Hulsey of Greenville, Georgia. “That’s Christ’s day. You go to church on Sunday, you don’t go out and celebrate the devil. That’ll confuse a child.”
I’m sorry, it is hardly so black and white. And honestly, how often is Halloween visibly portraying the celebration of the devil? I mean, do you see people burning babies scream “Praise Lucifer!”!? No, I don’t think so. And I’m from the South (they may burn crosses, but never a baby).
Social presentation of holidays is really starting to piss me off. Everything is completely blown out of proportion and misconstrued. I mean Christmas … Halloween … Thanksgiving … It seems like the only holiday that still does what it is supposed to do is New Year’s — but that’s pretty hard to fuck up. Well, that and Valentine’s day. Leave it to America to get the two holidays right that involve booze and sex. Score one for America.
So, Ms. Sandra Hulsey, I think there are plenty of other things out there you should more concerned about that whether or not your child gets confused on Halloween. And, love, if your child does start to confuse Christ with celebrating Satan, you might want to look at the church you attend, cuz it doesn’t sound like their message is very clear.
Have a Happy Halloween!

c’est moi!

Yup — it’s foto-friday! Hooray! No special photoshop crap today. Just me lookever ever-so adorable. 🙂

lesbians and pancakes

I wasn’t feeling well again last nite. My stomach was still 16 kinds of uncomfortable, despite the fact that I took some Pepto (Cherry flavored — it’s not bad, you should try it!) and a Zantac. I thought, “Well, maybe I’m just hungry.” It’s hard to tell when your stomach feels like ass.
Michael-gurl and Glorene came over, and Glorene was hungry — so we opted to go to IHOP because I figured I could handle me some pancakes. (For the record, in hindsight, I don’t like IHOP pancakes.) So we’re sitting at the booth, in the same booth we’re always put in — it must be the *gay* booth — and we’re all talking, la la la. There are two women and boy (maybe 10 years old?) sitting at the table behind us, and it was fairly obvious to me that one of the women was a lesbian.
Well, I called my mom to find out if I was having kidney failure or what, and these women get up to leave. The one obvious lesbian comes up to our table walks over to me (while I’m on the phone) and gives me a hug. She said “I just want to say that’s it’s so good to see young family out in Clear Lake.” And we talked briefly about her partner, etc. It was really nice — and totally caught me off guard. I’ve never met a lesbian who was so nice. And her sweater was sooo soft!

autumnal collection

I thought I would share the latest music collection I put together. This is in honor of Summer being gone (praise Buddha) and Fall taking its rightful place in my life. The temperature is a cool 64 out with a strong wind (*note it’s a wind and not a breeze*). It finally feels like Fall. Hooray!
So here is the song collection, download at will before I take them down.
1. All For Believing — Missy Higgins
2. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face — Alison Moyet
3. Till I Can Make It On My Own — Tammy Wynette
4. The Lines of My Earth — Sixpence None The Richer
5. April Fools — Rufus Wainwright
6. The Fox in The Snow — Belle and Sebastian
7. Cracklin’ Rose — Neil Diamond
8. Flawless (Go The City) — George Michael
9. Here She Comes — Kurt Nilsen
10. Come On Home — Franz Ferdinand
11. Bend and Break — Keane
12. White Flag — Dido
13. Angel — Sarah Slean
14. Leaving on a Jet Plane — from Armageddon
15. January Rain — David Gray
16. Time To Say Goodbye — Sarah Brightman
17. You Raise Me Up — Josh Groban
18. They Weren’t There — Missy Higgins

now that the debating is over …

I watched the 3rd debate last nite — the first time in my life that I’ve ever watched all three debates for a campaign. I have to admit that I think this was the best debate, ranging from topics discussed to focus and conviction presented by the candidates, especially Kerry.
I think that some of the questions that were presented were very direct and “on-the-spot” which I really liked. For example, the question about outsourcing jobs that was given to Bush was awesome, even though Bush danced around the question by turning to education as a solution to the outsourcing. Kerry was honest and said he can’t just do away with outsourcing, it’s not even a possibility. Good for him — I wish we could see more of this. Honesty, that is.
That’s my biggest issue with the debates. I understand that a lot of people expect the president to be almost a God-figure, but they’re human and they are only capable of doing so much. Admit that, please. Don’t pull this “I will win the war on terror” bullshit with me. There are SO many factors they have no control over. A simple “We will do our best to pursue the terrorists and destroy their presence in our nation and in the world” would be just fine by me. And Jesus, Kerry, quit saying you’re going to KILL the terrorists. That makes me feel uncomfortable.
I think Kerry still has it all over Bush. And I hope the rest of the nation sees that. 98% of my friends and associates are voting Kerry. Of course 95% of them are gay. Speaking of which —
THANK YOU, MR. KERRY, for explaining that homosexuality is not a choice. Your comments were well spoken, and I appreciate your efforts in creating rights for same-sex couples.
I hope everyone is planning on exercising your right to vote on 11/2. Even if you’re voting for Bush, you still need to vote. Its the only way our country is goin to recover from this war and progress to something better.

i suppose i should be nice

Well I have been feeling like hell. I imagine the bouqet of praise that I gave to Logan and his family has now smitten my ass and made me feel ill. My stomach is SO upset. It started Monday, and subsided until I had Wendey’s yesterday for lunch. Then my kidney started hurting (similar to a kidney stone … ugh) and my tummy progressively got more and more upset as the day went on.

I woke up this morning in the same state — but I don’t have the squirts or feel like I need to barf. Just meh.

Just meh.


some people are just fucks

David and I were talking today about our reseller status with our hosting company, and we went looking at some of our clients.

We have one client, our very first client, who never paid us. It was a MAJOR site. Full database implementation, logo design, and MAJOR site organization. The bill: $4000.
My first mistake: this was Logan’s father we did the work for. We did damn good work too.

My second mistake: Not having a contract with him.

My third mistake: Well, Logan, naturally.

We had originally replaced our work on the host he was using with a “content removed due to failure to make payment” notice. And when we checked it today — it’s gone. And not only that, but the site is redesigned and on another host. I would link the name here — but I don’t want to provide them any more ranking on Google than they have now.

Of course, he didn’t use any of our work (which is a good thing). But it pisses me off to no end that he didn’t pay us. I’m FUMING.

And ya know, that just gets redirected back at Logan — and his family. A bunch of mental whackjobs. Logan was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.

Emotionally, financially, professionally — and I have destroyed everything he gave me, or I had of him. Which kind’a makes me mad, cuz I’d really like to destroy something else right now.

So if you see Logan — spit on him, kick him, hit him with your car — I really don’t care. Just have fun doing it.

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