MonthSeptember 2004

who does he think he is fooling?

So I’m watching the presidential debate — and I’m really not that politically involved or politically motivated. I really rely on a lot of gut feeling and just … the general feel … of a person to know whether they are are trustworthy.
I look at Kerry. There are some things he says where I question the validity of the points he makes — but as a whole, I feel that he is a good man. Human, capable of mistakes, but good.
I look at Bush. I have yet to have a good feeling about the man. His justifications for the war and his spending are flimsy and lame. Planning and stronger alliances would have made a huge difference in the war. Suddam Hussein may have, indeed, been a threat — and how great that we pulled him down. But now we have a stronger threat in the tension that Bush’s actions have caused with the Muslim extremists. Bush has done nothing to move the war foward. Our troops die on a daily basis. Innocent Iraqi people die at the hands of extremists because our hostility over there. And what does Bush do? Tries to pull the emotional, honorable death crap. Yes, people’s lives are precious and irreplacable. But do not cheapen the value of their sacrifice by using them to justify your mistakes.
Makes my heart hurt. Seriously. Kerry needs to win. If anything to give the war in Iraq and the war on terror (two very distinct things) a breath of fresh air.

a viral nation

h’ok. For the past two days I have received 7 (count them, 7) viruses in my e-mail — all from the same e-mail address. I finally did some research this morning on what it is — it’s that new damn Beagle variant that has a different name depending on which anti-virus software you use. I haven’t been infected, but talk about irritating. I read this article that said there is some worry about this particular virus because it’s been over a month since the last Beagle strain was introduced, and this one comes at a time when most virus experts are at some confrence somewhere. Is that supposed to be a “when the cat’s away …?” Seems kind’a lame to me. Like there’s a handful of virus experts out there keeping our planet safe.
Maybe we should all pray to St. Isidore of Seville for internet protection. I mean, screw Norton and McAfee, right? Who needs anti-virus software when you’ve got Jesus (and St. Isidore) on your side?

Pet Shop Boys — It’s a Sin

come to jesus, yo

I really hate waking up in the morning. No, it’s not waking up. It’s that 15 minute post-sleep feeling that I hate, where I feel like I could just melt away into the bed, never to return, eyes heavy, and body like stone. Then after snoozing four or five times, I drag my lathargic ass out of bed, strip, and stumble, drunkely, into the shower.
So there I stand, naked, with the water (that is typically slightly too hot) cascading down my body, and I contemplate calling in sick. Daily.
But I grab my Zest soap (to get zestfully clean) and my Herbal Essence shampoo and I am suddently revitalized sufficiently to make it through the day.
But this morning, I’m in the shower, completely brain-dead, and I just start singing — but not normal singing. It was more like … if I were a zombie Broadway star and I had to sing. And the only thing that would come to mind was “Dearest Matthew, I am writing you from the waiting room … I’m next. Dr. Muget says I’ll barely feel a thing — 90 seconds. …”
And now it’s been stuck in my head. I’ve been constantly Coming To Jesus.

i’m such a queek

I’m a total queek (read: queer-geek). I openly admit this. I still love my old school nintendo games: Metroid, Zelda, Kid Icarus, Mega Man, etc. In fact, I like games in general (as long as they aren’t sports games or those irritating flying airplane/Vietnam games). I play Everquest fairly regularly, and I’m currently playing Phantom Brave on the PS2.
But, my children, the game of all games is due to come out in just a few months — the sequal to the best PS2 game ever, Kingdom Hearts. I know a lot of people look at the game and think “how gay, it’s Disney.” And it IS Disney, but it’s SO not gay (and I can say that, cuz I AM gay.) It’s a fusion of Final Fantasy and Disney, and you fight with all these different Disney characters. And it’s cool because all the voices are original (or close to original for those old characters who are dead). The first Kingdom Hearts let us play in the various character’s worlds, fighting alongside the character (with some cool cut scenes). You’d fight in Alice and Wonderland, Aladdin, Tarzan, The Little Mermaid, Pinochio, Peter Pan, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Hercules, Sleeping Beauty (Hollow Bastion), Winnie the Pooh — and you interact with a slur of other characters like Merlin (from Sword and the Stone), The Fairy Godmother (Cinderella), Dumbo, Mushu (Mulan), Bambi, Tinkerbell, Genie — not to mention the various Final Fantasy characters (Squall, Yuffie, Cloud, etc.).
And now — screenshots from Kingdom Hearts 2!!! Oh, stop my beating heart. I’m so excited to play with Mulan!!!! Hooray! (Yah, I’m gay.)

moon slivers

I was driving home tonite down Red Bluff — a very uninteresting, wide, and open road. It seems to go on forever. But tonite, it was one of the best feelings, just me, the road, and an almost full moon. The clouds were patterned to look like breaking waves, and the moon reflected off them in a way that just felt magic.
And I realized — for the past few months I have been living in such a swirling cloud of idealism that I’ve blindly missed the things I have that are of utmost value. I stared at the moon while I was stopped at a light, alone. And I thought ya know — the moon is mine tonite. It really always has been, but tonite especially. I don’t have to touch the moon to know it’s mine, I just feel.
I thought about some things I learned as a child — that man’s purpose here on earth is to be happy. And that man can find happiness by having a broken heart and contrite spirit. Of course, that’s not broken heart like in a relational way, but in a sense of humility. People are way too into themselves, and I have been as of late. And maybe my descent from Hurricane Idealism is temporary, but perhaps that how I learn: when I hit the eye of the storm, the calm, when I can take stock of what is still standing, and what is of value.

Don’t Ever — Missy Higgins

not quite forlorn

Hmm. Apparently I was sounding a little bit on the forlorn site from my last entry. Alas, the situation is not destitute of hope. I do not feel spurned by dear Cupid. At least not much anyway.
I spent the day doing odds and ends. Went to the grocery store for the first time in seriously 3 months. (And I’ve still got the old milk in my fridge to prove it!) And mental note to myself: NEVER go to a Wal-mart on a Sunday afternoon. Fat women with their 30 children roam that store like buffalo on the open prarie. And they block then entire damn aisle. And not only that, but the cashier, LaQwanda, felt the need to comment on every item in my basket — particularly the Country Crock Mac ‘n’ Cheese. “Oh, who new Country Crock made mac ‘n’ cheese!? Is it good? We was just talking about some mac ‘n’cheese, wern’t we girl? I love me some mac ‘n’ cheese!” You go, girl. Makes me want to go pick up some monostat 7 or some Magnum condoms to see what sort of response I’d get then. Maybe buy those alone, with a can of crisco. Bet you’d get some questions then.
I talked to Brad briefly this morning. He is now officially dating Ryan. And I’m so happy for him. I know there were a lost of hesitation, but I think Ryan’s a good guy with a heart o’ gold. So that was good to hear.
And then I was online doing some work on RMG when my dutch boyfriend, Ron, immed me. I missed Ron. We don’t get to talk that often — but wow, can he make my heart go all aflutter. He yelled at me for posting that other pic of him becuase it was two years old. So he linked me another one to show instead.
And how he made my day:

Him:I really want you one thing to know.
Me: what’s that?
Him: that if I lived in the States, I would be standing on the beach, in front of friends and family, look at you, tell you that I love you.
Him: really.

Such an amazing guy. He’s teaching me dutch, bit by bit. And now he’s become mijn vriendje. We’ll planning on him coming here late April, so we can both save money. Can’t wait. April can’t come soon enough.

always the bridesmaid …

I was reminded today why I hate weddings so much. Or at least weddings for family members. It’s all this formal bullshit — the invitations, the cake, the dresses, the groom, the weird little garter thing. And everyone wearing these fancy dress-up clothes. I hate it.
My cousin, Erika, got married today to this guy named John. The wedding was on the beach at sunset, very pretty, small, and semi-formal. Everyone was barefooted and the smell of storm still kind’a hung in the air from all tropical storm Ivan going on. Sea air in my nose, I watched the scene from behind everyone else. I watched them exchange their vows as the priest talked about Adam and Eve and something about ribs. And as they exchanged their vows, i watched John — I saw the look in his eyes … no. I felt the look in his eyes.
And it made me sad. Because the chances that I ever have someone on a beach, in front of friends and family, look at me that way, tell me he loves me … and pledge themselves to be at my side … it’s just not something that’s going to happen. — and that’s not being negative, it’s being realistic.
So going to a wedding reminds me that I will never have this event for myself.
And not only that, but I had to spend the day with my republican father. And of course, we discussed politics. I finally just conceded and said “ya know — it’s really all just kind’a dumb. They’re both corrupt, it’s just trying to pick the lesser of the two evils.” But that’s an entry for another day.

meh. frustration.

Ya know, I’m really tired of having my birthday so damn close to Christmas. It is SUCH a pain in the ass to try to get anyone together to do anything. I mean, I know I should be happy to have a birthday. I know there are some children in Africa who don’t have them, and some even in the US (Jehova Witness Children) — but still.
I’ve been trying to organize a group of people to go some place outside of Texas to celebrate my 25th birthday. We started with Amsterdam. Was looking really good — everyone was excited and wanted to go. But in the end, it was just too pricey.
So then it jumped to a cruise. Do you know how many people said “Cruises are fun — if your old.” (Which I’m not sure what that says about me.) Plus, no one wants to go to Mexico. (Can’t really blame em.)
So then it jumped to Las Vegas. Found some really decent deals — except that it’s Cowboy weekend, most everything is booked, and the shows I wanted to see aren’t playing at that time.
I grabbed a brochure for San Francisco as well, like my mother suggested. I’ll take a look through it … but I don’t know if I really want to put myself through California.
Maybe New York?
I just hate going alone. How fun to spend your birthday travelling alone? How much you wanna bet I end up just staying in Houston. Place your bets now…

Question 14:

I think I need to lose weight. Should I consider the Atkins Diet? It IS Subway approved and all.

Question 13:

Hey Michael, why are people saluting you today? Did you join the Marines or something?
OK, HELL NO, I did not join the Marines. (Picture: Me, gun, intensly blaring heat, army fatigues, no Dr. Pepper or refreshing margaritas … a bunch of hot guys. Hmmm. Maybe I should enlist.)
See, I went to get my hair cut last nite. My usual guy, Joel, was gone. So I went to my backup lady whom I’ve used once. She was nice, but kind’a weird (like probably-has-40-cats-at-home weird). So this girl (who talks way too much) washes my hair while waving her obviously freshly deoderant-ized armpit in my face. Then I sit on the couch. “Your lady will be with you shortly.”
So I’m sitting there with wet hair while some hot guy in front of me is getting his hair cut by the trampy pot head who cut my hair once before. Another woman (with REALLY bad dye job) sits in my lady’s chair and my haircut lady says “oh, there’s someone still ahead of you.” I was all “oh, HELL no.”
“Well would you mind going to Juanita-Just-Got-Out-of-Cosmotology-School?”
“As long as she doesn’t fuck up my hair.”
Well guess what.
She fucked up my hair. I now look live I’ve enlisted in 3 different factions of the US Military. And let me tell you — I DON’T look good with a shaved head. (Asshole.) Needless to say, I got the haircut at half-price.

I swear they should have malpractice lawsuits again asshole haircutters who can’t cut a hole in a paper bag, much less someone’s beautiful red hair.
Asshole.

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